I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
