it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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