it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
