I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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