I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
