I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
