please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
