Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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