Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
