We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
