Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
