Non-Jews are for practice
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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