the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
