Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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