there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
