I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
