I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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