Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
