I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
