Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
