Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
