let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
