I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
