Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
