I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
