i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
