thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
