you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
