they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
