Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize