Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
