That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
