i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
