Banned from zoo.
Again?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
