He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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