Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
