she was so not down for the gang bang
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
