All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
