guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
