It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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