My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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