I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize