R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
