It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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