this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
