dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
