Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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