I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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