i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
