I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
