Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
