i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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