I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
