I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
