I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
