John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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