If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
