Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
