I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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