So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
