I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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