Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
