I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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