if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
