Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
