Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
