Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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