If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
