i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
two words...techno handjob
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
